Wednesday, October 31

ebbs and flows

life has had a lot of ebb and flow lately. some days, it seems like nothing is clicking. the kids are cranky, they are constantly fighting with each other, they are constantly fighting with us, jason and i don't take the time or energy to parent like we should, family time just doesn't happen - things like that. and those days are not fun. they are exhausting. and they make us (or at least me) feel like i am failing as a parent. it seems like no matter what i do, no one is happy and nothing works out. fail.

but then there are times when things do click. hiba has less anxiety about life in general. matthias is happy and snugly. family dinners happen and get eaten happily. rooms are cleaned up before bed time. life is good. and days like these are also exhausting, but a good kind of exhausting. and at the end of the day, i feel like a pretty great parent. i feel like my hard work is paying off and that our family's success is pretty much due to my awesomeness.

the important thing for me to remember is that i probably have little to do with it. i think that i can contribute to bad days very easily and i can relish the good days, but i sure don't cause them. family's grow. kids grow. their job is to test boundaries and see what they can get away with. my job is to enforce those boundaries. sometimes that will result in good life lessons. sometimes it will result in kicking and screaming fits (by my kids, not by me. most days.). and yes, i can make the best out of the good days and take advantage of the good days, but it's important for me to remember that it is just the ebb and flow of life.

last week, we took advantage of a good day. some friends of ours were playing on the patio at a restaurant downtown, so we fed the kids a quick dinner and headed down to enjoy the beautiful weather, good music, and company of friends. and for the most part, the kids listened to us, got along, and had fun. it was great. it clicked.  it's nice when things click.

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