letting go...

a little reverb catch-up.....

What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

i almost laughed out loud when i read this prompt. not because it's funny or anything, but because i feel like i've blogged a lot about this and wanted to sort of get away from this subject, hence the reason i started the reverb project.

so what did i let go of? the years in palestine. i haven't completely let go of them, but i think i'm finally at a place where i can say that i am moving on. i've taken off the rose-colored glasses, i'm not wishing every day that we lived in palestine, i'm finally making friends, planting my flag here and establishing a real life instead of wishing for what i had.

it's taken quite a while. and i'm not there yet. i miss my friends, i miss the simplicity of life, i miss jason's work hours, i miss friday lunches, i miss our monday night kenistish, but i'm letting go and moving on. i've stopped looking for the exact replica of all of these things and decided to be happy and invest in what i am finding here.

and what i'm finding, once i've been willing to let go, is a church that we love, a great group of moms that i get to be a part of, happy hours with friends, opportunities to volunteer in the community, and a place that i can call home and be happy with.

it's funny that when you hold on to something, it keeps you from really enjoying anything. because if you are trying to hold on, it probably means it is past and you can't really enjoy it. but it keeps you from finding new things, from enjoying the moment.

as my wise little brother once said, "you just can't hold on to anything". he was talking about when you stretch your quad, but little did he know how profound he was being. :-)

then and now

things i did today:

*woke up in my house as my heater was going

*ate cold cereal for breakfast

*went to a brunch for a moms group i am in

*experienced fall weather

*went to one grocery store to buy a turkey, asian food, potato chips, and bananas

*had friends over for dinner

*went to bed with the assurance that tomorrow i'll live in the same place that i did today

things i didn't do today:

*eat fresh made pita and hummus for breakfast

*pack up the last of my stuff that i just have to have, while trying to give away anything i can't fit in my suitcases

*decide that i do in fact want more stuff than will just fit in seven suitcases and throw together an unknown number of boxes to be shipped to us (although i'm fairly certain the number of boxes packed is at least one more than the number we got....)

*say goodbye to the life i'd known for three years

*hug and wave goodbye to some of the best friends i could ever ask for

*take one last look at the place my kids were born

*miraculously fit seven suitcases, a double stroller, two car seats, a diaper bag, a huge purse, two kids and three adults into one vehicle to drive to the border

*made it through israeli customs without having to take my clothes off

*leave palestine

and then we realized...

it was a cold night. one of the coldest so far that year. and of course, our heaters didn't work. the landlord promised he would fix them soon. i said we should call up saleem asap to see if we could borrow the propane heater that he had since he never used it, it was actually ours at one point, and the landlord never fixed anything nearly as quickly as he said he would. but instead, i settled for my fuzzy blanket that jason had gotten me for christmas our year at the house of hope. he knew how much i loved fuzzy blankets, and since he got me one it meant i didn't have to somehow have all of my fuzzy blankets shipped over from the US - which was what my plan was.

so anyway, it was cold. i snuggled up in my brown fuzzy blanket on our uncomfortable couch, probably watching some re-run of boston legal, listening to hiba not sleep in her room and praying that matthias would actually stay asleep in his. it started like most other november nights that we'd had in palestine.

i don't remember who brought it up, but somehow jason and i got to talking about our rejection letter. the one from the ominous, all-powerful committee at the ministry of interior that kindly informed us that our request for visas was denied and we had two weeks to leave. by now we were down to 11 days. our plan was to ignore it. we had tickets bought for the end of december, weren't planning on coming back anytime soon, so who cares what the committee said. we'd stay. they might fine us, they might black-list us, but whatever. who cares, right?

but then we started talking. and thinking. and realizing. we realized that our plan was kinda dumb. jason is more qualified to work in palestine than anywhere else in the world. our lives, our kids lives, some of our best friends were formed there. and five years (our potential black-list time) is a long time. heck, three years is a long time. that's how long we'd been there. we realized that putting ourselves in the position of not being able to return was not really an option.

so we started to talk. and pray. and think. and pray some more. and in a couple hours our normal november night had been turned upside down. we were leaving in 11 days. we had plane tickets to change, baby furniture to sell, clothes to pack, books to ship, a car to sell (or push off a cliff....). but most of all, we had a life to wrap-up, a chapter to close. and we had 11 days.

but on the good side, we could tell our landlord he didn't have to fix our heaters and soon i'd be back to all the fuzzy blankets i could ever want. a lot sooner that i wanted.

the swine flu

so we're mostly settled in our new house now. i haven't taken our "after" pictures yet, because there are a few finishing touches that i still need to do and there's no wal-mart to run to, so it's taking longer than i want it to. but hopefully tomorrow and thursday i'll finish things up, take pictures, and post them so you can see the wonderfulness that is our new house.

in other news, the swine flu has hit beit sahour. well, maybe. it's hard to tell what's real and what's made up, because the news really only travels through word of mouth - which is pretty unreliable - and in arabic, so word of mouth in a second language is a little sketchy. but the rumors are that a couple families in beit sahour have it, some kids have it, and some kids spread it at a summer camp. so for today, all of the summer camps in bethlehem, beit sahour, and beit jala are closed. we also just started putting hiba in daycare a couple mornings a week, but that's not happening this week either. hopefully we won't get the swine flu. i'm not too worried about it - i think stories get exaggerated a lot here. but that's the exciting news of the week.

it's been surprisingly cool the last few days. when i say cool, i mean like 85 degrees or so, but the evenings have been great. and 85 sure is better than 100, so i'll take it. it's still too hot to do anything productive during the day (at least in my opinion), but at least i don't drown in a pool of my own sweat just sitting on the couch.

that's about it right now. i'll try to think of some good stories to share and maybe one day i'll get the house done. we'll see. this afternoon i'm going to sit in front of the fan, so that probably won't bring about good stories or house pictures, but i'll feel good. :-)

whew!

so, it's been kind of a whirlwind since we've been back. here is what has happened in the last 12 days....

-we finished packing up our old apartment.

-jason, saleem, and rachel (along with some other volunteers) ran a one-day camp for over 100 kids from Bethlehem

-jason, saleem, and rachel worked at a summer camp in ramallah

-we moved into our new apartment

-we un-decorated our new apartment

-we have attempted to decorate our new apartment

-we (meaning mostly me and rachel) consolidated all of our landlords' things into a couple closets, including, but not limited to, clothes, blankets, pillows, decorations, marriage licenses ... you know, things like that.

-we (mostly me and hiba) unpacked our things and cleaned our new apartment

-jason and rachel spent a couple of days gathering tools and such to get ready for this week

-paidia welcomed a group of 10 volunteers who are here for about 10 days and are currently helping to finish the climbing tower

-i totally re-arranged the group's itinerary as soon as they got here since they were delayed by about 24 hours getting here and are leaving about a day earlier than we originally thought

i think that's all. i mean, apart from normal life things. i'm hoping to put up pictures of our new apartment in the next couple of days...i know you are all dying to see what it looks like. but for now, i'm going to sit on the couch, watch a movie, and probably fall asleep.