Thursday, October 27

open a freaking door

you know what i'm tired of?

(i can hear all of you holding your breath in anticipation of my answer. i know you all really care.)


as in, "when God closes a door, he opens a window".

well, guess what. i don't like windows. they are annoying. they are inconvenient. they take a lot longer to get through, they are harder to climb through, you can't take as much crap with you when you crawl through them. it would be much easier if i could just walk through an open door.

about a year ago, i was suffering from post-missionary entitlement syndrome. i think i'm over that. i've moved on to just suffering from entitlement syndrome.

and i don't actually really feel entitled to all that much. i know that my little family is blessed beyond what we could ask or imagine. we are all healthy. we all love each other. we have a warm house and cozy beds. i have more shoes than can fit in the shoe holder in my closet. we have clothes pouring our of dressers. we eat really good food, until our stomachs hurt from being so full. we have great friends. we have an awesome faith community. God has definitely provided far beyond anything i deserve.

but it's still frustrating. especially when doors seem to be opening. doors that look really cool on the side. doors that seem to be opening when i'm not even looking for open doors. doors that i look through and see the life that i think we not only want to live, but the life i think we are called to live.

so i walk towards the door. with a lot of confidence. and a lot of gratitude. and a lot of hope. and then...


closed. and that's it. and there's always a little window next to the door that i can climb through, but the window really leads back to where i was.

and i know that where we are is not a bad place to be. i want for nothing. (well, except an iphone, but in grand scheme of things....). but this place does not seem to be our "forever place". you know, that place where you get when you are doing what you want to do. our grown up life. our living-with-a-purpose-and-loving-every-minute-of-it life. that's the life i see through the doors that keep closing. and i'm getting a little tired of climbing back in through the window and waiting for the next door to open. 

1 comment:

Cal said...

Beware of the PWA