Wednesday, April 2

autism awareness - take 2

i didn't wear blue last year. i didn't want to. i don't really know why - i think because i didn't want to be lumped in with the autism community. so i didn't wear blue.

but this year i am. because if there is one thing i have learned this year, it's that i need an autism community. i need people who get hiba, who understand her needs, her abilities, her strengths, her weaknesses, her anxiety, her joy. i need people who get me and how i rub her the wrong way and react in ways that don't help her or me, who understand the rediculolus amount of thought that goes into every single interaction with her, who understand my desire to not be a helicopter parent but my longing to make sure she is happy. i need that community.

this year has had it's ups and downs, as far as hiba goes. she transistioned really well to kindergarten. she loves her school. she has a wonderful teacher who understands a lot of what she needs, but still challengers her. she had a lot of help from the autism waiver. jason and i learned more about her needs and how to help lower her anxiety and help her live in the real world. she did a great job in her school play. she is making friends. she loves gymnastics.

and then she tested out of the autism waiver. so she doesn't have the support at the moment that she was having. and her anxiety has spiked. so has mine. that's a bad combination. she is still doing well in school, and is starting to level back out at home, but it's been kinda rough.

so here we are, autism awareness month, and i'm wearing blue. not because i think people are unaware. not because i want to make a huge statement. but because at this point, today, i want to remind myself that there is something different about hiba and her neurological functioning. she does have autism. and that's ok. and i'm ok. and she's ok. and i need to remember it's a journey that won't be over after this month is over, or if we get a good teacher, or if we get her into a good therapy program, or whatever. it's a puzzle that she, and i, will be learning to solve for the rest of her life. some days, some months, hopefully even some year - that puzzle will fit together perfectly. it'll look great. and other days, other months, maybe even other years - we just won't be able to fit the pieces together. but we will learn. we will work. we will grow. she'll be great.


1 comment:

Kim Currey said...

Love this wonderful girl and she's lucky to have you as her mom!