last night, we drove from little rock to siloam to celebrate christmas with my family. we timed it so that we needed to stop for dinner. we decided that we'd just get something to go and eat in the car, so we gave the kids the choices - burger king, mcdonalds, and taco bell. but then i took back taco bell, because it is nasty. true story. which i explained to matthias, because he wanted tacos. i told him my tacos are awesome, but taco bell just has nasty tacos. so we went to the much higher class establishment of mcdonalds.
once we were on the road again, we were jamming out to christmas songs. and by jamming out, i mean jason and i turned the music up in the hopes that it would distract the kids from yelling at each other. "santa clause is coming to town" came on, which immediately made everyone happy. matthias started talking about how santa is the guy who brings you presents and if you are good, he brings you good presents. if you are bad though, he brings you bad things.
me: matthias, what kind of things does santa bring you if you are bad?
matthias: nasty beer, nasty food, nasty goldfish...
hiba: yeah! maybe he will bring you the food from taco bell!!
Saturday, December 22
Tuesday, December 18
yesterday's numbers
*eyes that were red in our house when we all woke up in the morning: 2
*eyes that were pink, clearly turning red: 1
*cups of coffee drank by me alone: 4
*number of meetings rescheduled: 2
*google searches of "how to stop the spread of pink eye: 12
*number of slideshows of conjunctivitus looked at: 2 (it's like a train wreck - you can't look away)
*number of clorox wipes used to clean the kitchen: 17
*number of clorox wipes used to clean the doorknobs, light switches, etc: 5
*minutes of tv/playing games on our phones the kids had: 100
*minutes the of tv/playing games on our phones the kids usually have on weekdays: 20
*loads of laundry to wash towels and sheets: 3
*loads of laundry to wash any clothes that may or may not have touched my children: 3
*loads of laundry to wash hiba's doll clothes and blankets: 1
*loads of laundry folded and put away: 0
*minutes of exercise: 0
*minutes of sitting on the couch playing on my phone after the kids were in bed instead of exercising: 75
*tacos consumed by matthias: 4
*tacos consumed by jason: 3
*number of times holding matthias down violently and wrestling him, prying his eyes open to get drops in: 2
*number of days left that we get to do the above twice a day: 9
*number of margaritas i wanted: 12
*number of margaritas i had: 0
*number of donuts offered as a reward for getting eye drops even remotely calmly: 1
*number of donuts rejected outright: 1
*number of times i washed my hands yesterday: 57 (or somewhere around there)
*eyes that were pink, clearly turning red: 1
*cups of coffee drank by me alone: 4
*number of meetings rescheduled: 2
*google searches of "how to stop the spread of pink eye: 12
*number of slideshows of conjunctivitus looked at: 2 (it's like a train wreck - you can't look away)
*number of clorox wipes used to clean the kitchen: 17
*number of clorox wipes used to clean the doorknobs, light switches, etc: 5
*minutes of tv/playing games on our phones the kids had: 100
*minutes the of tv/playing games on our phones the kids usually have on weekdays: 20
*loads of laundry to wash towels and sheets: 3
*loads of laundry to wash any clothes that may or may not have touched my children: 3
*loads of laundry to wash hiba's doll clothes and blankets: 1
*loads of laundry folded and put away: 0
*minutes of exercise: 0
*minutes of sitting on the couch playing on my phone after the kids were in bed instead of exercising: 75
*tacos consumed by matthias: 4
*tacos consumed by jason: 3
*number of times holding matthias down violently and wrestling him, prying his eyes open to get drops in: 2
*number of days left that we get to do the above twice a day: 9
*number of margaritas i wanted: 12
*number of margaritas i had: 0
*number of donuts offered as a reward for getting eye drops even remotely calmly: 1
*number of donuts rejected outright: 1
*number of times i washed my hands yesterday: 57 (or somewhere around there)
Thursday, December 13
some days....
yesterday, i got a call from Arkansas Children's because we have registered as interested in any autism research.
last week, hiba started OT.
a few days ago, we got a letter from the preschool about the transition process to kindergarten.
i put chew necklaces and sensory toys on hiba's christmas list.
i have found myself constantly looking for sensory outlets for hiba at home in the evenings so she can calm herself down.
*sigh*
i know she is doing great right now. i know she has calmed down a lot this year and is learning how to deal with transitions, noise, sensory issues, etc. i know that having autism is not the end of the world for her. i know all of the things above are good things, ways to help her. but they are still reminders. reminders that this is forever. reminders that this is something we will be helping her with for a long time. reminders that there are things that she needs help with.
most of the time, that is fine. most of the time, it is just life and not a big deal. most of the time, i am ok with the idea that hiba has been labeled as having these issues and that the label is helping her. most of the time, i am ok with it all.
but other days, it makes me sad. it makes me sad to think that she has the anxiety that she does. it makes me sad that she needs help with transitions. it makes me sad that she needs OT to figure out how to get all of the sensory input she needs to be calm. it makes me sad that we need a transition meeting and IEP or 504 or whatever for kindergarten. it makes me sad that she can be a part of studies. it makes me sad for her, and honestly it makes me sad for me.
it is ok. things are going well. hiba is doing great. but it still makes me sad some days that we have to keep reminding ourselves that she is doing well, that there is something for her to "do well". some days i have to remind myself that she is hiba, perfectly and wonderfully made, and she is happy. she loves life. and i think we are all doing the right things, making helpful choices. and that makes me smile.
last week, hiba started OT.
a few days ago, we got a letter from the preschool about the transition process to kindergarten.
i put chew necklaces and sensory toys on hiba's christmas list.
i have found myself constantly looking for sensory outlets for hiba at home in the evenings so she can calm herself down.
*sigh*
i know she is doing great right now. i know she has calmed down a lot this year and is learning how to deal with transitions, noise, sensory issues, etc. i know that having autism is not the end of the world for her. i know all of the things above are good things, ways to help her. but they are still reminders. reminders that this is forever. reminders that this is something we will be helping her with for a long time. reminders that there are things that she needs help with.
most of the time, that is fine. most of the time, it is just life and not a big deal. most of the time, i am ok with the idea that hiba has been labeled as having these issues and that the label is helping her. most of the time, i am ok with it all.
but other days, it makes me sad. it makes me sad to think that she has the anxiety that she does. it makes me sad that she needs help with transitions. it makes me sad that she needs OT to figure out how to get all of the sensory input she needs to be calm. it makes me sad that we need a transition meeting and IEP or 504 or whatever for kindergarten. it makes me sad that she can be a part of studies. it makes me sad for her, and honestly it makes me sad for me.
it is ok. things are going well. hiba is doing great. but it still makes me sad some days that we have to keep reminding ourselves that she is doing well, that there is something for her to "do well". some days i have to remind myself that she is hiba, perfectly and wonderfully made, and she is happy. she loves life. and i think we are all doing the right things, making helpful choices. and that makes me smile.
i have come to the realization that "baby weight" is not an appropriate term for extra weight that i have, now that my youngest child is 3. which is unfortunate, because i really like excuses. but, nope - can't call it baby weight anymore. once it is more than was there after the baby was born in addition to being 3 years later, it's just called weight.
so, i've decided that something needs to be done. at one point in my life, i characterized myself as an athlete. in my mind, i am still that way. still active, still exercising, etc. but in reality, i like to watch tv and i LOVE potato chips. which, is ok, as long as it is coupled with something besides those two things. and lately, it just hasn't been.
so this week, i started using MyFitnessPal on my phone. and i may be slightly obsessed with it. which is a good thing i guess. i'm hoping that it will get me back into the habit of eating healthy things, eating less snacks, making my calories count, and not just eating for the sake of eating. and in the few short days, i've learned a few things.
-you know how people tell you that when you are hungry that you can just drink a glass of water and most of the time that will help, especially if it is just during the day, not at a meal time? yeah. that is a lie. it just makes me realize that water is not nearly as tasty as chips.
-i have never wanted junk food more in my entire life than in the last three days. i can smell french fries from a mile away. and no matter what i tell myself, bell peppers just don't taste quite as good.
-one hershey's kiss has 22 calories. which means 15 hershey's kisses have 330 calories. walking from my desk to heather's desk, where the kisses are, 15 times a day does not burn 330 calories. this adds up quite quickly.
-i will skip snacks all morning so that i can have ranch dressing on my salads. and i will never be convinced that any sort of lighter, vinaigrette type salad dressing is "just as good, but in a different way".
-drinks, other than water, have a lot of calories. some are good, like juice for breakfast, but mostly they just take up the calories at a really fast rate. i mean, i knew this, but it's alarming to actually have to put it on my phone and watch the calories shoot up.
-i am much less likely to sit on the couch all evening and watch tv if i can't snack and drink a beer. for the first time in a long time, clothes have been promptly hung up, the dishwasher has been emptied and refilled each day, and we have had homemade dinner at home, each day. granted, "each day" is four days, but it's a start.
-i spend a lot of money on fast food. it's disgusting. that is going to stop.
-it is possible to figure out how much extra exercise i need to do in a given day in order to have a dr. pepper with lunch. i may have done this. only once though. so far.
hopefully this motivation will last, and i'll start being more healthy. obviously, i want to lose some weight, but mostly i want to get back into the good habits of eating good food, not just eating because i am bored, being more active, and being more organized in life. so far it's working - 4 days down, a lifetime to go.
so, i've decided that something needs to be done. at one point in my life, i characterized myself as an athlete. in my mind, i am still that way. still active, still exercising, etc. but in reality, i like to watch tv and i LOVE potato chips. which, is ok, as long as it is coupled with something besides those two things. and lately, it just hasn't been.
so this week, i started using MyFitnessPal on my phone. and i may be slightly obsessed with it. which is a good thing i guess. i'm hoping that it will get me back into the habit of eating healthy things, eating less snacks, making my calories count, and not just eating for the sake of eating. and in the few short days, i've learned a few things.
-you know how people tell you that when you are hungry that you can just drink a glass of water and most of the time that will help, especially if it is just during the day, not at a meal time? yeah. that is a lie. it just makes me realize that water is not nearly as tasty as chips.
-i have never wanted junk food more in my entire life than in the last three days. i can smell french fries from a mile away. and no matter what i tell myself, bell peppers just don't taste quite as good.
-one hershey's kiss has 22 calories. which means 15 hershey's kisses have 330 calories. walking from my desk to heather's desk, where the kisses are, 15 times a day does not burn 330 calories. this adds up quite quickly.
-i will skip snacks all morning so that i can have ranch dressing on my salads. and i will never be convinced that any sort of lighter, vinaigrette type salad dressing is "just as good, but in a different way".
-drinks, other than water, have a lot of calories. some are good, like juice for breakfast, but mostly they just take up the calories at a really fast rate. i mean, i knew this, but it's alarming to actually have to put it on my phone and watch the calories shoot up.
-i am much less likely to sit on the couch all evening and watch tv if i can't snack and drink a beer. for the first time in a long time, clothes have been promptly hung up, the dishwasher has been emptied and refilled each day, and we have had homemade dinner at home, each day. granted, "each day" is four days, but it's a start.
-i spend a lot of money on fast food. it's disgusting. that is going to stop.
-it is possible to figure out how much extra exercise i need to do in a given day in order to have a dr. pepper with lunch. i may have done this. only once though. so far.
hopefully this motivation will last, and i'll start being more healthy. obviously, i want to lose some weight, but mostly i want to get back into the good habits of eating good food, not just eating because i am bored, being more active, and being more organized in life. so far it's working - 4 days down, a lifetime to go.
Wednesday, December 12
it's beginning to look a lot like christmas
well, it seems like christmas season is in full swing at our house. now, if only i would get around to shopping and/or even planning what gifts people are getting, we'd be set. there's always next week, right?
anyway, we put up the christmas decorations early this year, and i like them. jason and i put up the stockings and tree when the kids were in bed and they were sooooo excited and mesmerized when they woke up the next morning. hiba keeps telling me that she is trying to be really good until christmas so that santa will put good presents in her stocking. and at this point, i am completely fine with her thinking that's how it works.
 |
| our advent calendar. which i have totally not been keeping up with, but it looks cute. |
hiba has also somehow learned all of the words to "santa clause is coming to town", which she sings to us on a regular basis. like every ten minutes. this has brought the whole santa issue to the surface, which i have so far successfully avoided. last night, she was singing, "he sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake....hey mom, where is santa when he sees you? how does that work?". uhhhh. i answered something like, "well, what do you think?", to which she replied, "he's probably in his house". ok, sure. we'll go with that. and then she went back to singing.
and another great story about hiba and santa - i asked her if she has been good or bad and if she thought she would get good or bad things in her stocking.
hiba: well, a little of both. so i'll probably get good and bad things. i think i will get a new magic wand, and a real beer, and....
me: wait, what? did you say beer?
hiba: (giggling) yeah, because i said i would be getting good and bad things.
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