progress

so hiba has been great lately.

i realized the other day that i cannot even remember the last time she had a full hand-shaking-falling-to-the-ground-kicking-screaming-hyperventilating meltdown. and i really can't think of many little meltdowns that she has had recently. and that is something that i have not been able to say for a long time.

i think being at easter seals as has a lot to do with it. her day is relatively scheduled; she has plenty of time to play with friends and interact with people, but also has lots of time to be by herself and swing if she needs it; she has one-on-one time to work on being flexible with plans, following others' directions, and bending "the rules". and because of this, i think the level of anxiety that she has in life has dropped dramatically. so she still doesn't love it when we change dinner plans or she skips a bath on her bath schedule, but she is able to with little fits and low anxiety, because so much of her life is structured now.

there are still things that we are constantly working on - staying on task, not worrying about everyone else following the rules, not putting everything in her mouth - but i think that's how life is going to look for us. we will find her help where she needs it and constantly be helping her to figure out how she can best cope with living life in this chaotic world. and for right now, that is working well.

which, actually, stresses me out. because in a few short months (eek!!), we will have to make some pretty big decisions about where she will be going to school next year, what services we want for her, and all that good stuff. and from an outside perspective, she looks like she is doing great. because she is doing great. but i think it's because of the services and structure that she is constantly getting that she is doing great. take that away and i would bet a million bucks that it would be back to meltdowns and anxious eyes. so i'm just nervous about having to ask for things that it doesn't look like she needs. i'm worried that she has made so much "progress" this year that she won't get the help she needs next year. i'm worried that since she is fitting in so well with her regular class that she won't get the individualized attention that i think is helping her so much this year. i've read on other autism blogs that progress is such a double edged sword - it's great to see, but at the same time it's often because of services provided, services that could be taken away once progress is made. so while i am glad to see her doing so well, it also makes me nervous.

the good news is that hiba is at a great school right now, one that has teachers and administration who really know her and who have seen her over the months and who will be advocates for us when we transition to public school next year. they will be able to see the progress she has made and know, much better than me, how that relates to the services and how it relates to her growing and learning. i think a lot of times, i don't give her enough credit for things she can handle because i don't want to stress her out. so i'm glad that we have a good team on our side for when this transition will happen.

so for now, i'll focus on the good. hiba loves school. she talks about her friends. i see her playing with, not always just next to, peers. she loves her teachers. she thrives on the structure of her days. she is less anxious. she is getting more flexible. and those are all good things.

ebbs and flows

life has had a lot of ebb and flow lately. some days, it seems like nothing is clicking. the kids are cranky, they are constantly fighting with each other, they are constantly fighting with us, jason and i don't take the time or energy to parent like we should, family time just doesn't happen - things like that. and those days are not fun. they are exhausting. and they make us (or at least me) feel like i am failing as a parent. it seems like no matter what i do, no one is happy and nothing works out. fail.

but then there are times when things do click. hiba has less anxiety about life in general. matthias is happy and snugly. family dinners happen and get eaten happily. rooms are cleaned up before bed time. life is good. and days like these are also exhausting, but a good kind of exhausting. and at the end of the day, i feel like a pretty great parent. i feel like my hard work is paying off and that our family's success is pretty much due to my awesomeness.

the important thing for me to remember is that i probably have little to do with it. i think that i can contribute to bad days very easily and i can relish the good days, but i sure don't cause them. family's grow. kids grow. their job is to test boundaries and see what they can get away with. my job is to enforce those boundaries. sometimes that will result in good life lessons. sometimes it will result in kicking and screaming fits (by my kids, not by me. most days.). and yes, i can make the best out of the good days and take advantage of the good days, but it's important for me to remember that it is just the ebb and flow of life.

last week, we took advantage of a good day. some friends of ours were playing on the patio at a restaurant downtown, so we fed the kids a quick dinner and headed down to enjoy the beautiful weather, good music, and company of friends. and for the most part, the kids listened to us, got along, and had fun. it was great. it clicked.  it's nice when things click.

vacation is awesome.

last week, we got to go see some really great friends from jbu. they live in fort worth, so we don't get to see them very often, but every time we do, it's good for our souls. the kids got a long great and we enjoyed talking, laughing, playing games, cooking, eating, and relaxing.

on our way!

jason reading to a captive audience

yo gabba gabba!

 

matthias is addicted to electronics

breakfast time!

that's a lot of young kids

he found another game....

jason beating up the kids

walk to the park

the kids did a lot of swinging

and a lot of egg collecting/terrorizing the chickens

what reunion would be complete without a game of catan?

sassy boy

train ride!

kitchen makeover!

so jason and i are both taking the week off, for our (i think) first real family vacation since we moved back to the US. we have had long weekends, jason and i went to china, but we haven't had a vacation week where we could just make our own plans.

so far, it's been great.

we spent monday and tuesday at home, working on some much needed projects. we sent the kids' to pre-school so we could get as much done as possible. and i think it was a success.

we did some little projects - caulking/spot painting our baseboards and quarter-round, changing out our back screen door, cleaning behind the fridge - little things like that.

and then, we painted our kitchen.

on sunday night, jason and i realized we have never done any home improvement projects together, so i wasn't sure how it would go. i mean, i love him and i think we are a great couple, but we also have some pretty strong opinions about everything, so it could be a disaster. but it wasn't. it was so fun to do a project with him and to actually get it all done.

before.

not my favorite look...

and....

first coat!

trying to figure out what i'm doing....

inspiration

after!

window sill with a splash of color

still figuring out the whole panoramic thing...but you get the point. 

i was a little super nervous about the color, but i love it. i will be looking for accent pieces, but i am very happy with it. and jason is excited that our backsplash is done. so win for both of us.

tomorrow we are off to ft. worth to visit some friends - yay!

homecoming

this past weekend, we went up to siloam for jbu homecoming. it was a great break from life around here. we got to see lots of friends, hang out with my family, and enjoy the cold weather that is apparently here now. it was 85* when we left little rock on friday afternoon.....and 41* when we got to our friends' house four hours later.

the only pictures i took were from the rugby game, but we also had tons of fun visiting with old friends, watching all our kids play together, eating yummy food from my favorite restaurants in siloam, and visiting with my parents and sister.

pregame rituals

hiba fell asleep. on the ground. in the middle of the crowd.

victory!